Do not long for me

Here, I am naked again. Am I so intense? Well, you know me.
I keep my words about everything that I said even though maybe it only created unnecessary stress.

I am bouncing in being super cool and not cool at all. I know that we gonna meet again. I know... you consider me more than "just an ordinary friend" and  I understand that for you something is still missing. Something that needs time... something that could never come.

But I feel that thing would not come out of the blue.

I am still learning...
Not long time ago, I tried to say hello... hello, hello. but you always said goodbye.
And you are pretty sure that we will naturally see each other again. The impetuous and impatient being inside me in the resolute urgency of the now wants to carve that nature so then we can see each other again and again and you would think that was absolutely by the changes.

I remind myself about this book that explains how to handle that kind of situation... well, at least if there was not that distance. You can read that in the book...

<--
"I cannot play with you,  I am not tamed."
"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
(...)
You must be very patient, First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

 But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . .
-->
I refuse to believe that you are still an ordinary fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.  We came from a long path where we collect experiences that made ourselves different from usual ones. And we crossed by each other, shared some coffees, some smiles, some good words. I believe there would have a common and mutual beneficial relation... and I know that is not the distance that separate us...

And I am thinking about the urgency of the now.
It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
...
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but you didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me



Taming you is what I would want... but at meanwhile, I expect that you fly . Is that what "supergirls" do, right? you know that does not matter how far we are,  I probably will be silently watching you. I would like to be more present even by text but sounds easier than what in fact is being because there is a thin balance in our interaction.

Now, I am taking the risks. Losing my defenses. They say that we should not revel our intentions or being so nice*. Why am I being so reckless? I prefer to be sorry for the things that I did than for the things that I didn't. Besides... I believe in your intentions. You only can see things that reflect  what you are. And you saw my intentions.

I shall rely on you ... take your time. you need it. You said that I should not long for you... Fat chance. I would long for you partying, running, quieting. Should I not? oh, sorry I cannot easily being someone else. I am still the same one that you know.


* - You know life is cruel. Life is never kind.Kind hearts don't make a new story...